Have Fun Will Travel

Have Fun Will Travel

While stationed in Okinawa, my friends and I used to take leave in the Philippines. The Philippines, or PI, was a great place to vacation back then. Hotels were about ten dollars per day, during happy hours a beer was seven cents, they had club bands that did very good imitations of the popular seventies and early eighties groups. There were also many pretty girls, which made it even more popular as a military vacation spot.

Tom Maguire was a good friend of mine, and one of the first to invite me along on a trip to the PI. I found that most of what you purchased you dickered for. This went for many things, including souvenirs, bbq pork on a stick, or a trike ride.

A trike was a motorcycle with a side car. The side car was egg shaped with a metal roof, and the front was covered with a wire mesh. Since the side car had a wheel, the total wheels of the motorcycle equaled three, hence trike, like tricycle. A trike ride was very inexpensive and was quicker than waiting for the local equivalent of mass transit, the jeepney. When you took a trike you negotiated on the price. The driver usually started by asking for the equivalent of a dollar, countered by the customer offering a quarter. You usually spent about five minutes negotiating to save fifty cents, but it was entertaining. After you agreed to a price he would take you were you wanted to go, often at speeds you never contemplated. He did not make much on each fair, so he traveled as fast as possible, in order to get as many fares as possible.

The first time I went to the PI six or seven of us were in the group. The second evening there we were waiting in the hotel bar for Tom to arrive before we hit the clubs. He came weaving through the doors, bloody from his head to his toes.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

“I was taking a trike back to the hotel. We were doing about 40, weaving in and out of traffic, when we hit a pot hole. The front wheel came off and the driver bailed. I was stuck in the trike as it flipped down the road.”

“My God, are you all right? Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“No, no, I’m Ok. On the bright side the driver came running up after the trike stopped rolling. He was yelling ‘No charge, free ride, no charge.’ So, I still have my fifty cents!”

That was typical Tom Maguire. Heart of gold, head of stone.

A couple of nights later, we were bar hopping and two of the guys decided they wanted to stay in one of the clubs, after we decided to leave. They agreed to meet us back at the hotel bar in an hour or so.

We were waiting at the hotel when the first guy showed up. “You aren’t going to believe what happened to me.” We asked the obligatory “What?”

“As I was leaving the club, a Benny Boy came up and asked me for a light.” A Benny Boy is what the Philippinos called transvestites. “As I gave him a light he grabbed me.” Use your imagination where he was grabbed.

“What did you do?” we asked.

“I knocked him on his butt and ran like hell!” We all laughed, but did not really believe him.

About twenty minutes later the second guy showed up. He was beat up and bloody. We asked “What happened to you?”

“It was the strangest thing. As I left the club, this Benny Boy came up and asked me for a light.” We started to chuckle. “When I gave him a light he grabbed me!” We were having trouble breathing at this point. “What did you do?” We wheezed out.

“I knocked the s—t out of him, and five of his buddies jumped out of the bushes and beat the hell out of me!” At this point I fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard.